Now You've Got It!

The common cold. The flu. The sniffles. The measles. Whatever it is, it has come your way and it is going to get you, whether you like it or not.

That dreadful sickness, that horrible disease . . . IT WILL GET YOU.

Or perhaps it already has.

As a college student, I am forced, every day, to sit in a classroom with other people. One sneezes, and suddenly it goes through the room like wildfire.
Or, consider those that ride a bus. Someone didn't wash their hands in the morning and has a cold, they put their hand on a railing, and the entire bus becomes an incubus of viral plague (thank you to Meryl Streep for this quote).
Or, someone sits down in a restaurant or cafeteria and coughs, but is kind enough to cover their mouth first. They then pick up a plate from the salad bar with this same hand and infect the rest of the plates in the stack, plus all the veggies, plus the tongs.

You are doomed. DOOMED. There is no way to escape it. There is no way to hide.

You don't have it?
Now you do.

But all is lost? NO, you MUST FIGHT BACK.

Let me explain.

You can try the ordinary things. Everyone conscious about the sick season does - wash the hands, carry a tissue, spray everything with disinfectant before you touch it, go to bed early - but these things can only take you so far. All the hand sanitizer in the world won't save you from an unclean surface. Tissues will eventually wear too thin and muck-covered to be used. Sometimes, we just can't help staying up late - so what do you do?

Well, this is where, as my literature teacher said last semester, the miracle of pharmaceutical science comes into play.

- I suggest Airborne if you are desperate. It tastes miserable, it looks like the creation of pondscum in a bottle, and it packs a punch that would knock an elepant over. However, the stuff works to keep others at bay.

- If you have to use tissues, switch often. The more you carry one filth-covered cloth with you, the more disgusting it becomes. In time, you'll just be dabbing your face with that Meryl-Streep-Incubus we talked about.

- Share not. I repeat, share not. If someone has taken a magical pill and they are fit as a fiddle, do not accept their offer if they want to lend you a pill. You are taking a pill from the jar of a person who, at one point, was coughing and sneezing and oozing and digging his gross fingers into that jar, likely touching every last pill on the way in. Do not accept pills, go buy your own, guard them jealously.

- If you can, get away. By this I mean, get the hell away from anyone who sits beneath a cloud of germs, dripping pools of feverish material onto the ground. The elevator door opens, a woman greets you by sneezing into a stained tissue - wait for the next one. You sit down in class and the guy next to you coughs harshly, move your desk over an inch or two. Cruel? Not really.

- Remember: fluid intake is an important thing. Drink, I say, and drink again. Drink at least one full bottle of water a day. Have a glass of orange juice with breakfast. Drink less highly carbonated things.
Why?
Fluid cleans you out. Fluids cleans out your system, keeps your system running, and keeps your metabolism cycling. It staves off the dehydration and allows your body to fight off disease better.

- Ultimately, you need the sleep. Get it, but get it on your own. You will be tempted by the dark side (actually, it is commonly a dark green) and try to swallow a sleeping pill to get through the night. There is a chance you are that one person who doesn't react well to sleeping pills and you will instead be up all night.
OR.
You will build up a dependency to the sleeping pills. When you run out, you'll lie awake and miserable at night, until someone on the fourth floor sneezes into an air duct and it carries down to your room.
Get the sleep, but get it on your own.

So, there we have it.
This is the season of the sick. The time of the self-preservation is upon us.
Grab the tissues. Snatch up the warm blankie. Heat up the tea or hot chocolate.

The time to protect yourself is now.