Blame The Name Game

A phrase you have to learn and exercise during any sort of social event is "Hey, you."

No, I am not kidding.

I know a lot of people. Wait, check that - I have many aquaintances. At some point or another, I have come in contact with more than three million people during my college career. Students, teachers, honored guests, and esteemed faculty members. I have met the President of the school and his wife, the wife of the Dean and her husband, the Dean, and many many others.

There's always a problem with this sort of thing: after meeting at least a million people, you will remember at least a thousand. And out of that thousand, you will remember the name of half of them.

This isn't to say that you're a bad person. No, this just says you're human. Unfortunately, so am I, so therefore I forget them too.

There's no problem, though, right? We just don't have to care because we won't have to see these people again for the rest of our lives. I mean, what are the chances of seeing them again anyway? Higher than you think.

An awkward moment always comes to haunt you when you are calmly wandering through your life, minding your own business, and out of the blue -

"Oh, hello John Smith."
A voice! From a person!
"Oh . . . hi. Nice to see you again."
And on the inside, what are you saying?

Who are you? And how do you know my name? And when did we meet? And do I owe you anything, such as money or organs?

The social faux pas (did I say that right? I'm not sure, but you get my meaning) comes and smacks you in the face.

Speaking of face, you must save it at once. You must not let on at once that you've forgotten who this person is. They could be of the utmost importance. They could even be carrying a torch for you, in which case you will be dooming yourself to a life of misery.

So, "Hey, you! How've you been?"
"Oh, fine, thanks. So, John, how is that project coming?"

Oh crud. They know about the project. Apparently they know more about me than I thought.

"Oh, the project. Well, it's coming along just project-ly. Yessiree, that's a good project."
"Well I'm glad John. I hope we see each other again."
"Sure thing!"

And you can skillfully get away without letting on that you haven't the slightest idea who you've just spoken with.

In the long run, this is not pleasant, but there is no way to avoid it. I mean, you aren't expected to whip out a Polaroid and snap a picture of everyone that talks to you, and then paste it on a board so you can instantly look at them and recall the names at once. This would be just ludicrous.

Try a scrapbook, that's easier.

At any rate, you will forget names. It is inevitable. You will come up against those who you don't know and you will be at a loss of words. But you have to deal.

So, "Hey, you! How are you?"

Trust me on this.