Write Away, Right Away

There is no more post. I repeat, we killed it, and there is no more post. It is dead, it is murdered, it is gone.

The American postal system is dead and buried.

Alright, perhaps not. We do still get credit card applications and other horrible things sent to us, and that is hour our mail-order pharmaceuticals reach us, and that is how we procure letter bombs, but aside from that we have little use for it.

Okay, fine, we still do - there is that one-out-of-ten person that likes to send letters for the sake of simplicity and tradition, but we're going to disregard him and focus completely on my point. Why? Because I said so. And because I can. So I will. And have.

Continuing: I was remembering the great amount of magazines that I used to have as a kid. I used to read Disney Adventures and Nintendo Power and Boys Life and so many other innocent magazines. What enthralled me during those times of joy and fun were the places throughout the magazine in which you were asked to send in something by mail.

There was a contest for best drawing of a supervillian, so send in your best drawing by SAID DATE and it will be in the SAID DATE issue. Also, if you have any questions for the editor of SAID MAGAZINE, just send a letter to SAID MAGAZINE OFFICE and SAID MAGAZINE EDITOR will be write a nasty comment in the SAID DATE issue, mocking you.

I liked that. I also liked seeing on television that there was always a contest, or some time or place your letters could reach the world and everyone would love to get them. As a kid, learning to write letters was boring, but sending them and seeing results were so much better.

And now?
Simply fax or email to the magazine and we'll get back to you.

Huh, sorta lost all the glamor and glitz there, haven't we?

I see on television that there are no more contests for children who don't have the internet, because instead of a P.O. box and address, we have an email address for you to "check out." You can't send drawings without a fax machine, you can't mail a letter without the email, and you can't even subscribe without the internet.

My complaint, then, is that the mail system no longer has any great mystique or magic to it. There is no reasonable need for it, because if you are, you are slow and old and obviously don't have a computer. What was once quaint and fun is now . . . obsolete.

Obsolete. The mail system is obsolete. Now, that is sad.