Going Out With A Whimper

And so, the school year draws to a dramatic close.

Really. This weekend was Spring Weekend and when I stepped out of my dorm room, the hallway was littered with broken glass, someone was trying to set things on fire, the furniture was overturned, and I won't even begin to tell you what it looked like outside the dorm building.

So now, with the fun done and the merriment over, we, the college students, have one thing and one thing only to look forward to.

Or dread.

Or fear.

Okay, dread and fear.

The time has finally come upon us, and we are all wondering how, year after year, it arrives so stealthily and then strikes, sinking poisonous claws into our flesh and making us flop about pathetically and I'll get to the point right now, we have final exams now.

Finals. FINALS. Cue the organ music. FINALS.

Our educational value culminates in a series of two-hour long exams which are held at the end of the year. We are told when they are and at least three months in advance we go into long-term depression. We also study, yes, but the depression is more important. Anyone looking forward to them is ostracized and we drive them away with pitchforks and torches.

That explains, I guess, why someone was trying to burn something in my suite. We must have had a supporter in there . . .

Projects are due, also. That term paper? You didn't start it yet? Oh dear, you appear to be ABSOLUTELY SCREWED!!!! YOU'RE DOOMED! NOTHING CAN SAVE YOU NOW!

Also, if you are taking a lab, then eyour final thesis and your last experiment must be performed soon, and your final story is due in literature class, and your last photo project is due in your communication class, and your astronomy journal is due for your astronomy class, and your media critique is due for your newspaper analysis class, and everything is due, due, due, so you will suffer from due-depression.

Nope, not funny. Let's move on.

In a few days, we will establish quiet hours. This means that everyone who didn't study now has the time to, and they are done for anyway, but let us let them dream by forcing everyone in every dorm to be absolutely quiet and still and not play loud music, therefore enabling them to study in peace.

I dare you to press your ear against the wall when this happens. You will hear crying, sobbing, and the downing of Red Bull energy drinks like there is no tomorrow.

For some of us, that just may be the case.